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Andy Helms
01 January 2010 @ 01:18 am
Welcome to 2010!  It is the New Year's holiday.  This holiday, like Independence Day, is defined by SyFy's The Twilight Zone marathon, which typically runs all day on the 31st and the 1st.  I love this show, and so I naturally love the marathon.  I would say that my New Year's holiday is literally defined by this marathon.  Besides the Independence Day marathon, I probably watch the most television on these two days of the year.  Anyways, Erin and I were talking about this today, which led to a discussion on my favorite television shows of all time.  Here's my top five list.

1. Dark Shadows
A soap opera from the 1960's really is first on my list.  I love this show, featuring the crazy Collins family - including witches, werewolves, and the famous Barnabas Collins... who is a vampire.  I think Dark Shadows is where my first love for vampires came from.  I've been watching the series on DVDs, which I've steadily been borrowing from my library for years now.  It was a relatively short lived (and very unique) soap opera - only about five years - and so I should be finishing the series soon.

2. The Twilight Zone
The Twilight Zone is how the list got started.  I love this show.  The episodes provide entertainment, but they're also insightful and interesting when you start to think about the messages behind them.  For example, in my favorite episode - The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street - we see an "average American street," immediately before and during a power outage.  When some neighbors cars, appliances, lights, etc. turn on but others don't, people get panicky.  A kid on the street suggests that one of the families are monsters, sent ahead to get information before all the monsters come.  Paranoia ensures, and the neighbors kill off each other.  The viewers find off that there really are monsters (actually aliens), but none on the street.  They are patiently waiting for this to happen so they can slowly take over the globe.  Fascinating.

3. Alias
This is my most modern television show on the list.  People everywhere love Alias.  I'm not talking about casual fans.  Everyone who has watched it always tells me how much they love Alias.  I am one of those people.  Of course, this show is what started my long and still-going love affair with my celebrity girlfriend, Jennifer Garner.  But besides that, the show was great... excellent storylines, intricate back stories, and kick-ass action.  You didn't watch Alias and start getting sleepy - this show woke you up.  It was intense.  It was also famous for killer cliff-hangers.  Viewers often didn't know if their characters were going to live episode to episode.  Even worse was when we didn't know if our characters were going to live season to season.  The episodes almost always ended with intense scenes where something huge was revealed.

4. I Love Lucy
Classic comedy!  The Lucy Show, Ball's follow-up to I Love Lucy, was also great, but I haven't seen all of those episodes like I have with I Love Lucy.  It's so funny, and has total rewatchability.  I've seen some I Love Lucy episodes that I can speak the lines along with the actors, but they never get old.  The episodes are always funny.  Back in the day, TV Land hosted special weekend long marathons with classic television shows.  My mom taped some of the episodes from the I Love Lucy marathon on VHS and I still have those tapes.  I watched them so much that I still remember some of the commercials they played that weekend... there were a lot of music complication CDs advertised back then.

5. Gilligan's Island
More classic comedy!  What can I say?  Gilligan's Island is hilarious too.  I've always enjoyed watching reruns of this show as well.  When I was younger, I think I genuinely cared about the characters on the island.  I always admired the Professor and wanted to be like him.  Even then, I paired the characters off - Gilligan with Ginger, and the Professor with Mary Ann.  Gilligan's Island shipping!  This was just a funny show.  It also has a great theme song which I can sing along too easily.
Andy Helms
I will never have kids.

However, for the sake of this post, let's say I have a kid.  Or maybe even two, three kids.  Only for the sake of this post, though, because I won't have any kids in real life.

I hope I never say, "You should have gone to the bathroom before we left!"  And, if I do, I hope some random stranger on the street beats me with a stale loaf of bread until I apologize.  I will have deserved it.

When I was younger, that was occasionally said to me, and I absolutely hated it.  My thought process was that I would have gone to the bathroom before we left if I had to go to the bathroom at that point in time.  I didn't, but now I do.  That's why I'm asking to go to the bathroom now instead of before we left.  End of story.

I became pretty obsessive and neurotic at a young age, so at some point I made myself go to the bathroom before we left for anyplace (even down the street to the post office and back), but I heard it said to my cousins, friends, or other relatives all the time.  I hated it, for the logic described above (where I = he or she, depending on the cousin's/friend's/relative's gender).  I am pretty sure that, after hearing it so many times, I vowed that I would never say that when I was a father.

Of course, that was before I realized I was never going to have kids.

How can we make life amazing?  By beating the parents who say, "You should have gone to the bathroom before we left!" with stale loafs of bread.
Andy Helms
11 June 2008 @ 11:32 pm
I was going to make an entry, but then an MSN puzzle or two stopped me.
Andy Helms
18 April 2008 @ 01:47 pm
Ever since I started giving tours, I've been collecting Terra cups from the plastics lab at my school/work...

Pyramid of Cups

I should have all the colors they make, soon.
Mood: excitedexcited
Andy Helms
05 April 2008 @ 01:01 am
I wish I lived in an area that had public transportation, especially a bus system.
Mood: curiouscurious
Andy Helms
05 February 2008 @ 05:46 pm
Once upon a time, eight men sat around a table brainstorming ideas. These eight men had only two things in common: first, they all drove frequently; second, they all had fancy pieces of paper hanging on their walls that said "Engineering Degree." The eight men were frustrated because it seemed that they were making too many stops along their drives, which caused their driving time to increase even more.

Therefore, these men with pieces of paper that said "Engineering Degree" on them came up with a system. The new system was a roadway that had no stop signs, no stop lights, and no intersections. It allowed for high-speed travel from point A to point B. Today, we call these roads freeways.

One quiet young man in the back, however, encountered a problem with the brilliant system the other men had developed. He noticed that, without intersections, there would be no way to get on or off the road. "What good is a road," he said to the other men, "if there isn't anyway to get too it?"

"Ah, good point!" the other seven men exclaimed.

So they developed these fancy roadways that connected the regular roadways to the freeways. They changed elevation as they went from one road to another, and eventually stretched out next the freeway until they began to merge into one. Today, we call these on-ramps.

The system was pure genius! Drivers who wished to use the freeway would then turn onto the on-ramps, drive along them for a while, and merge into a gap into traffic as the on-ramp ended. This way, nobody had to stop or even slow down -- the new car would just merge in with the rest. Pure genius!

Unfortunately, not everybody today seems to grasp this concept.

The point of a freeway is to gain speed so that you can merge seamlessly in with the rest of the traffic. If traffic on the freeway is going 55mph and you attempt to merge going 40mph, THE SYSTEM FAILS. This causes other drivers to slow down for you, which defeats the point of driving on a freeway.

In conclusion: the eight men with papers that said "Engineering Degree" took a lot of time out of their busy schedules to develop the freeway system. Use it. Get up to speed on the on-ramps, that's what they're there for.
Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Andy Helms
20 January 2008 @ 02:22 pm
The scientists genetically engineered oranges so that they did not have seeds, yes? In my 6,212 days of life, I have probably encountered only two oranges that had seeds in them. This, in my opinion, is GENIUS. Who wants to bite into a delicious ball of orangy goodness, only to bite down on a hard seed. And what happens if you actually eat a seed? Who wants oranges growing in their small intestine?

The point is: the scientists who engineered the oranges to grow without seeds were smart. So why can't they genetically engineer the oranges to grow without the damn outer layers. Nobody eats them, we just take FIFTY-FIVE FREAKING HOURS to peel them before we can get into the actual, edible, delicious orange.

The outer layer serves no purpose except for protection. Protection from what? You're telling me that in today's age of cars that can park themselves, you would think that we can grow our own oranges without need of protection. I'm just saying. There is no longer a need to protect the oranges.

It's just that by the time I finish peeling off the outer layer of the orange, getting my fingers are sticky with orange juice, I'm not as interested in eating the orange anymore. If they didn't have that outer layer, they would be a lot more desirable in my eyes.

That's all I'm saying.
Andy Helms
09 January 2008 @ 10:08 pm
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post it in your own journal.