?

Log in

 
 
23 May 2009 @ 04:40 pm
When to Beat Someone With a Stale Loaf of Bread  
I will never have kids.

However, for the sake of this post, let's say I have a kid.  Or maybe even two, three kids.  Only for the sake of this post, though, because I won't have any kids in real life.

I hope I never say, "You should have gone to the bathroom before we left!"  And, if I do, I hope some random stranger on the street beats me with a stale loaf of bread until I apologize.  I will have deserved it.

When I was younger, that was occasionally said to me, and I absolutely hated it.  My thought process was that I would have gone to the bathroom before we left if I had to go to the bathroom at that point in time.  I didn't, but now I do.  That's why I'm asking to go to the bathroom now instead of before we left.  End of story.

I became pretty obsessive and neurotic at a young age, so at some point I made myself go to the bathroom before we left for anyplace (even down the street to the post office and back), but I heard it said to my cousins, friends, or other relatives all the time.  I hated it, for the logic described above (where I = he or she, depending on the cousin's/friend's/relative's gender).  I am pretty sure that, after hearing it so many times, I vowed that I would never say that when I was a father.

Of course, that was before I realized I was never going to have kids.

How can we make life amazing?  By beating the parents who say, "You should have gone to the bathroom before we left!" with stale loafs of bread.
 
 
 
 
 
tigerfaerie on May 23rd, 2009 11:28 pm (UTC)
I will be sure to keep a stale loaf of bread around just for that reason.